March 30, 2006 EZ Reacher

My wife Allyson rocks da muthafuckin house!

Because it's hard for my crippled body to grab far away things, she got me this awesome device called the EZ Reacher. Check it out: EZ Reacher.

However, one thing I've noticed is that, because its arm's so long, it's hard to drink a beer...

***

On a much different note, our friends, Ric and Stevie, just came over with thier adopted kid Marrissa.

She so cute. She's proof that it's not genes that make a family; it's love.

P.S. Just so you know they're not a gay couple. Stevie is, in fact, a woman. She uses the nickname "Stevie" in place of her real name, "Steven".

March 24, 2006 * Bright Eyes

I was just writing a story on my computer. And I was listening to a CD while doing it.

If you're curious about my musical tastes, I was listening to the new Bright Eyes album, Fevers And Mirrors.

And while listening to it, it dawned on me that I actually saw Bright Eyes live in Green Bay in some guy's basement.

This realization kind of depressed me a bit because it made me realize just how atrocious my memory is. I've seen tons and tons and tons of punk rock bands - I was a scenester, afterall - but I don't have a single memory of those shows.

I also saw the great emo band BOYS LIFE.

***

I used to go through periods of self loathing. I thought that, because I was born with a cock, I deserved what happened to me. But now I think that being comatosed while riding your bike to school is just shitty no matter if you have a penis or vagina.

The whole thing has greatly affected my wife and daughter...Both female.

I hope that there are some females out there who realize that being a dude can have its painful moments.

3-18-06

Hello friends [and yes, I Do mean you],

We all have places in our lives that changed us forever. Maybe it was the place where your lifelong love asked your hand in marriage. Or maybe it's the bank you robbed and, afterwards, made you filthy rich.

The place that changed me was the intersection of Water Street and Brady Street near UW-Milwaukee. It changed me because that's where I was hit while riding my bike by a pickup truck. That's where I was comatosed.

Because that intersection changed my life, I plan on paying it a visit on April 1st [the day I was hit]. And I'll probably have a statement written telling the people gathered how I feel, how I'm doing, and my future goals.

I wonder if any of my readers have places in thier lives that changed them. Changed them for good or bad. If so, what are they?

3-16-06

I sometimes think that I'm milking my brain damage for all it's worth.

March 15, 2005 Raise your kids right

We all have a say in how the world will turn out by the way we raise our kids. If we raise them to question authority and have minds of thier own, there won't be another "Nazi, Germany".

This sounds strange, but, even though I feel guilty for being comatosed because I missed so much of my daughter's life; I believe that my coma has taught her tons.

It also made me totally positive that I picked a marvelous woman to wed. I feel much less guilty because she was there.

March 12, 2006

On the post where I favorably wrote about MPL's awesome architecture, Hilary Samsa reminded me of the wonderously, fabulous architecture of the library in, my hometown, Appleton.

Appleton Public Library

The awe-inspiring architecture, I believe, was inspired by a cardboard box.

P.S. I hope you dig mind-expanding, writerly adjectives. I plan on writing a horribly dense post loaded with them in the near future.

3-10-06 The Ultimate Joke Book

I found an old joke book while digging around in my cramped, overflowing bookshelf. The joke book has the totally original, creative name, The Ultimate Joke Book.

I'll periodically post some jokes from the book.

The first hilarious joke [found in the "church humor" chapter]:

"Lord," came the prayer, "so far today, so good. I haven't sworn, stolen anything, gotten angry at anyone, or even had any evil thoughts.

"but now comes the test, and I implore your help. I have to get up and go to work"

Don't laugh too hard. There will be more jokes later...whether you like it or not.

Library architecture and, my mother-in-law, Sue

I'm feel very lucky to work as librarian. Librarians are lucky to work in - usually - beautiful buildings. Here's a link to picture of Milwaukee Public Library that proves my point: MPL.

***

On a much different note, I've made my mother-in-law a hero of mine. She also was comatosed.

And she's my hero because instead of sitting around feeling sorry for herself, she' s out doing volunteer work. In other words, she's helping others.

3-10-06 More about Valley Packaging...MY ATTEMPTED STRIKE!!!

Like I told the reader, I once worked at Valley Packaging.

I had the oh-so difficult job of putting two wrapped packages of six rolls of toilet paper into a larger bag marked "Charmin Deluxe Toilet Paper".

While doing this mindnumbing work the thought of some corporate asshole patting him/herself on the back for coming up with the brilliant idea of saving Charmin money by, instead of wasting money on machines, having "mentally challenged" people package thier sacred Charmin Deluxe Toilet Paper .

This thought kept running through my head, so I visibly quit working. The others around me gave me looked at me with perplexed looks. I explained that I was going on strike, and I urged them to do the same.

Unfortunately, a lot of these folks are perfectly content being "Charmin Slaves", and my strike didn't get far. It did, however, get me called into the office to get reprimanded for "causing a scene."

3-10-06 Valley Packaging

When I was in highschool I would take the bus to school every day. It happened to be the same bus that certain folks rode to get to Valley Packaging. You probably don't know what Valley Packaging is. Well, in thier words it's a factory with the following goal "To promote the dignity and worth of individuals who have disabilities or are disadvantaged and to assist them in developing their optimum level of social, vocational and economic independence in the community."

Like I said, I took the same bus as the Valley Packaging folks. It was a bus reknowned in my highschool, Appleton East, for being loaded with, what a lot of kids thought were, "crazy retards".

I find it strange that I've reached a point in my life where I could be viewed in the same light. I might not speak coherently, but at least I still have to write coherently. At least I hope I do...

3-05-2006 evilness

One thing I've learned is that evilness is just a natural part of humanity. We should just accept it. But we should do our best to eliminate it.

When evil/bad things happen. Examine your life, and see if there's anything you could change to prevent them from happening. I'm not saying that you should blame yourself. I'm just saying that all of humanity is linked. And things we do - no matter how minor - have far reaching consequences...

Dear reader,

There's a show I frequently watch on BET called "The Road Show".

The Road Show visits colleges. And hyper African-American students are gathered to watch The Road Show VJs [Viideo Jockeys] announce. It truly is a spectacle.

One thing The Road Show does is have a trivia contest between girls and boys. And this is where the hilarity ensues.

The trivia contest works like this: The VJs ask a question. And give the African-American student four choices to chose from.

It's apparent, from the list of choices, what the correct answer is.

For example, here's a question I made up:

Which actor played in the movie "Pulp Fiction"?
1. Pee Wee herman
2. Chuck Norris
3. Jane Fonda
or
4. Samuel L. Jackson [the only black choice]

Can you guess?

Another example:

Which singer did the song "What's love gotta do with it?"?
1. Tiffany
2. Britney Spears
3. Courtney Love
or
4. Tina Turner
Love,
Cullen

3-03-06 Unschooling

My daughter is such a lucky girl. My wife and I are "unschooling" her. In other words, we guide her as she teaches herself. She'll find her own interests, and not have them imposed on her by school or fellow piers.

Here's a link to a blog written by one of the biggest homeschooling proponents, John Taylor Gatto: Gatto.

***

I plan on writing a sci fi story about unschooling. In it, there's a child who's fortunate enough to be unschooled.

He learns much diffent things than his friends in school. His friends and thier parents think that the kid is totally strange and out-of-date.

All of a sudden something happens that severely threatens the fate of Earth. And the kid uses his unschooled knowledge to save Earth.

He becomes a hero!

***

I know that there are a lot of people that think homeschooling is crazy. To these people I ask, "Before public, cumpulsory education was intacted, was EVERYBODY stupid? If not, why?"