I've come up with a new, brilliant weight management program:
See, a lot of people gain weight, and have no idea where it comes from. In my new program [I feel like I have to give it a name...I'll call it the "Waste watcher plan"], you keep a diary of what you eat along with a record of the weight of your wastes (both urination and fecal matter [hey, common now, I am trying to sound scientific] ).
You also keep track of your daily activity.
So, for example, I eat one and a half pounds of food one day. And urinate and defecate one and one-quarter of waste. If you do the calculation, you'll notice that you've gained a quarter of a pound in weight that day.
The next day, you eat one pound of food. And begin your exercise regiment chainsaw juggling while running around the block five times.
You eat one and a half pounds of food that day. You urinate and defecate one and 1.7 pounds of waste that day. So, that means you've actually lost some weight [0.2 pounds to be precise].
I think this is a brilliant idea. But make sure you don't reuse the items you pee and poop in for future leftovers!
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